Personal Responsibility - Life 101 Lecture

Everything that we do, each choice that we make molds our future. Every action has a reaction. So for each time we breathe, we make an unconscious decision that effects what happens next. Every time I decide not to play with my cat, I am opening up the opportunity to allow her to keep me up all night asking for play or giving her a reason to pee on my clothes. Each time I pick her up to give her a hug i present myself the opportunity to be clawed. Because life is a constant series of cause and effect events, each time i take a step, I am both moving forward to my destination as well as limiting my possibilities to go another way. In this I am completely held for accountability for my actions. When I get sick and have to cancel a trip with friends to NY, I bind them to my own inability. It is then that I must accept the next turn of events based on my own previous experiences.
The point that I am trying to get at is that for everything you do you are responsible. In some events you will be held accountable. This can be solely dependent on the actions of others. If someone slaps you across the face you have a choice how to react. If they smack you for being obstinate, you might recognize their action as properly deserved. If you then respond with your own attack, this might then provoke a bigger fight. At this moment, before you start world war III for destroying your only copy of rockband (guilty as charged) you must remember, what happened did. Even if your actions were based on your being painted into a corner, you still must be ready for what comes next. The truth of the matter is, it doesn't always matter how you got to the state in which you acted, but since you did you must be ready to receive repercussion for it.

Now I have been talking very much about acceptance. Why I have been toting so much about being able to be cool with the craziness that surrounds you is to help assure that people don't get all up in arms about Life happening. In the course of a life we all love, we all lose, we all burn bridges, we all fail, we all act inappropriately, we all make mistakes. Life is a learning process of trial and error. The point of life is to make our own meaning. We live because we were born. As such we have the right to do what is best for ourselves independently based on our own decisions. The only problem with this is, is almost every action is going to have a negative reaction somewhere along the line. A spilled drink must be cleaned up. If you feel the need to cry over it, then you have that right, but at the same time you might be opening yourself up to someone calling you out on your misbehavior. With the world being full of so many different kinds of people as well as the reality that everything is always in a state of flux, we have no idea how we will be received. Even the best of intentions can backfire. in some situations, even if we have lost everything but the will to fight, we keep trying to reach our goals no matter how untouchable they have become. In these situations we can become careless, callus, and dangerous. The harm you cause while in this state, both to yourself and to others, will most likely be detrimental. When what you do causes trouble then there will be a mess to clean up.
Let's say you get dumped. You thought for sure love was real, that you were destined to be together, that nothing would tear you apart, only to learn that for some insignificant reason your significant decided to say goodbye. So in order to win them back you chase them around, you stalk them, you follow them every time you find them in public, you leave harassing messages on their voice mail, and you cause whatever harm you can to their new interest. As normal as this might seem, in truth you are doing harm to everyone including yourself. Sure, you might be able to try and excuse your behavior by validating your reasoning, but when that cop comes and takes you away to jail for your misbehavior, I am afraid you will have time to serve. But any situation coming to this point is unacceptable. I have heard this story far too many times that I begin to wonder how separated are we all from one another.

So lets take this scenario one step deeper so we might better understand what is going on and what can be done to get through it.

1. you told someone you loved them without meaning it. You wanted so much to be the focus of someone's complete attention you threw words around without thinking of the consequences. So after a while of what seemed like abuse due to the fact that you really didn't love them (causing them to respond to you in a way that showed you that they didn't love you back), you got fed up and decided to leave. Instead of accepting what comes along with using the "L" word, you walked away without performing the duties that it entails. Love isn't so careless to leave over momentary frustrations. If you really love someone you can be truthful about your own feelings, be they something as simple as dirty laundry in the living room right before guests are coming over. The dishonesty with yourself as well as your boy or girlfriend is doing no more than creating a rift between you two which is not easily bridged.
2. You hide yourself from them in order to keep yourself from understanding that you were in part, at fault. Maybe they didn't automatically know how to treat you like the awesome person you figured they would. We get a whole lifetime to learn about how we work, so expecting someone who will just automatically know all your pet peeves or mysterious secrets is completely illogical. So when they chase you down to find closure and possibly learn from it, they are not allowed to. That just spurs them on further, and before we knew any better there is a restraining order put out. An inability to come to some sort of understanding about the situation can cause very painful personal doubt. It is about this time that people close off their hearts for good.
3. When there is no chance to get to where you are trying to, sometimes things are better left unsaid. Blow out the candles you are carrying for a person who wont give back to you what you expect of them. There is no use being a damned fool about it. Continually spewing unrequited love on someone who just doesn't like you is a burden to them while not filling your needs. As unfair as it seems to have been so callously treated, there is nothing we can do about the past. All we have to work with is today. Why limit yourself chasing after something thats gone wrong when you could be looking for something right. Chalk it up to experience. If you recognize that carrying a heavy heart full of love you can't share is just going to drag you down, then perhaps you can understand that trying to express it to someone who can't return it is a waste of your time. Make an effort to list everything you did too fast, too much, to little, and go on from there.

We are all in control of our own thoughts/feelings. Since we also have the right to express whatever we want to, we might accidentally go diving off a cliff. Hopefully you packed a parachute. If not, be ready to crash. For every blog I write there is the possibility of a person I offend by shoving my ideals on them. By doing this I am opening myself up to be attacked. I accept there is the possibility that tomorrow I could walk outside to be greeted with a gun to my temple for something I did. I expect to be insulted for being stupid. I am ready to be neglected for ditching plans I had made. But I am also ready to deal with whatever happens as it comes.

When we can take responsibility for ourselves we grasp our own lives. We get behind the wheel to direct our actions toward our desired result. Always remember that most times things don't work for us it is our own fault for not accepting our failures. When we put ourselves in a cage we have no right to look around blaming anything else. Take responsibility for your actions. It will both free your mind from doubt and fear while showing you another aspect of your own life. The more you can be cool with yourself after you make a mistake, you can better understand yourself. With self-understanding comes a freedom that can help you get to the person you always wanted to be.