this unconscious need
says nothing at all
i turn away from
your face and visage
and it seeks me out
I go out driving
the broken radio
taps itself in
to something unknown
as if needing me
was the only thing
keeping us going
I am begging you
let me live today

I came home to an empty apartment
where no one could reach me
I turned off everything electronic
in the darkness, in the warm water
from the open window bringing me air
your blessed words filtered throughout
someone else's pretty young voice
clicked shut the lock on my sanity

this unconscious need
has taught me nothing
I never asked you
for a single thing
you never spoke aloud
but with those eyes
that always find me
no matter my place
fills me with wonder
I never spoke a word
and still your name
hovered over each
and every signature
I want to go

I ran away to japan for a whole year
to escape whatever that might be
even there, thousands of miles away
you were on the TV, in the stores
emerging from the inked hiragana
nothing of mine was left sacred
if you don't say why you're following
you have no right to chase me down

this unconscious need
has shown me nothing
Every stroke of paint
every flick of this wrist
if pushed forward
by a force that feels
the way you appear
a code embedded
in every facet
encrypted fabric
begging to be torn
a secret revealed
the truth ticking down
waiting to implode

I came back to the one who doesn't mind
to keep me caged inside his fantasy
while I am stuck inside another head
Just in case love finds one of us
Since chasing after my heart's desire
wasn't enough to find something to touch
as close as we made it to the zero point
the drive burned out like a trail of vodka

this unconscious need
has held up nothing
to hide it away
I needed the poison
to expunge half-hearted
fake memories
with empty bottles
I lost my smile
but still i keep on
hoping if age shows
anything honest
all of your lessons
will bring peace of mind
along with a dream
to dance into you

I do let my mind wander about yours
If I am alone in misunderstanding
its nice to muse on the idea that you
are tripping over yourself by a voice
singing poorly into your own left brain
it feels as if mine has been replaced
with a stone hard rock totally unable
to have any emotions unfeigned

your unconscious need
has brought me nothing
my unconscious need
means nothing at all
stupidly embarrassed
i'll hide my face
so none of you slips
just in case you're here
if my delirium
could be validated
metaphysically
I might be happy
hard wired at the
base of my spine
and the back of my neck

the day when I wake up to see us
plugged into some room sized machine
pale and whitened from disuse
I'll dive back into the virtual insanity
taking ahold of these cellular organics
playing the game with some advantage
knowing that true color is a mesh of bits
I might remember how this world worked

our unconscious need
can't mean nothing
drawing and writing
put aside for words
always one more set
yielded nothing yet
and still I won't stop
I wanna create
but keys keep bringing
impertinent lines
reverberating
the sounds in my mind
keep shoving their way
out in the open

these days plod into listless nights
every time i shut my eyes to fruitless sleep
sooner or later I wont have the discretion
to be polite enough to disrobe you properly
no matter how I try the only doorway clues
are underneath the buttons of your shirt
before the way out of this is closed forever
urge me forward, within an inch of our lives

an unconscious need is a need all the same
desire born of aggression aided by obstacle
is too much for a girl to bear on her own
if your giant heart is sinking into obscurity
don't make me fight you for the right to help
whisper in my ear, I wont tell a single soul
we'll hide away from the stage lights
atop the sandbags i'll preform surgery

I beg you, next time I am on that street block
I will keep my pace slow and deliberate
so when your hand thrusts out from the shadow
you wont have trouble pulling me into the alley
away from the danger of their hate and violence
put your nose to my cheek and repeat the code
trigger this arms race into an ornate domino fall
start it here and now, my darling bringer of hope.

Help me out here or dash me to a mess of pixels
consume my light or thrust me into nothingness
take this destiny into your arms or push it aside
if you keep putting your hand to my glass prison
pleading with your lips and eyebrows, without intent
i've been wrong to expect a comfortable home
whimpering at your ankles for a warm bed to share

this unconscious need
is speaking for me
in words unheard
until experience
has brought me guidelines
making simple pleas
over the airways
across the ocean
to something unknown
crashing into one
the single person
who will assist me
in understanding
everything unknown